PICKY NIKKI: Boys chat
Guys, I left you on a cliffhanger. On the edges of your little seats. Desperately awaiting the Picky Nikki take on boys and dating. And for that I do apologize. It’s just that it’s been so tough to parse through my thoughts…
Just as it’s common knowledge that February is God’s punishment to man, it’s also common knowledge that winter is the worst time to be a chick.
The prospect of summer approaching means: streets crawling with hotties and dinners on terrasses and parties every day of the week and summer flings! And what could be more thrilling for a gorgeous fabulous girl?! Nothing.
So the idea of summer coming and the potential that I’ll finally meet the love of my life is 1/2 things keeping me alive. But, it’s still only March and so the boyfriend hunt has hardly commenced!
The state of dating
There’s a lot of common knowledge to be found in this stack. And that is because there is nothing new to say about the state of romantic affairs. So I don’t even know why I’m writing this except for the sake of penning the ephemeral. Lest we forget the hell of being single and 28 in 2023.
The current dating climate, specifically in Montreal, is dismal. You have 2 choices: swiping endlessly on dating apps or going out hoping desperately to meet someone your friends somehow haven’t already thought of as your perfect match.
Swiping
The process of swiping is one of the most depressing activities one can engage in, even if you are gorgeous and successfully match with everyone you swipe on. It’s well-known that the pool in Montreal is about the size of the world’s panda population. Going extinct. There’s only one eligible bachelor in this city and we’re already destined to be married anyway so for the moment I’m kinda just browsing.
My therapist once told me that I was too focused on finding a ‘popular boyfriend’. She insisted I was passing by viable options because they weren’t in my social circle.
But, my therapist doesn’t live in Montreal so, she doesn’t understand the social dichotomy that is produced by bilingualism.
I’m also not even opposed to dating a Francophone. In fact, as many of you know, I’m a bit of a Francophile myself. I recently thought of changing my username to @lafaussefrancaise because everyone knows how much I adore talking to myself and pretending to be French.
Anyway, language is beside the point. The point is she was wrong. It actually is very important to date someone culturally related to you. What kind of partnership can you build with someone who doesn’t listen to the same podcasts as you or the same music or is in the same twitter universe AT LEAST? It’s a dull one. Trust me, I’ve tried it. It’s actually the least superficial approach to dating. I want to share my life with someone!! I don’t want to have to explain to them why the INternet CELebrity shirt is funny and why it’s even funnier that I fucked up the joke because I didn’t realize it was INCEL + Internet Celeb. That’s too much work. Sue me!
But anyway, the overarching point here is that these dweebs don’t even bother asking me on dates! Not sure if that’s due to the vibe I exude (more on that later), my lack of forwardness, or simply laziness on their part. I’m chalking it up to a regional issue because girls in Montreal will truly accept the bare minimum due to the fact that the male to female ratio is 1:25.
Anyway boys: you need to be asking girls on dates. Literally engage cornball mode. It is not corny to ask a girl on a date. A lot of you really need to get past that.
Going out
As for meeting in-person? I do everything in my power to be a gal about town so as to maximize the number of new people I meet. Being a socialite is actually very fun and easy. And meeting people through friends allows for an almost fool-proof vetting process and simplified friend integration.
The fabulous thing about going out is that it reminds you how fabulous you are. Every time I spend a night out on the town I laugh and smile and flirt and wink and realize that I am the centre of the universe 💋
There is just one small issue with going out and that is: geography. In a city like Montreal, where the social circle is literally panda-sized and the selection of cool bars is non-existant, you won’t meet anyone you don’t already know. And, if you do, they are probably so distantly culturally-related to you that there is no point in exploring.
So what's a girl to do? The answer is travel ✈️✈️✈️
Musings on New York
I spent the weekend in New York, with BFFs: Jess and Seth. My mission on this trip was to find a lover. I learned an important lesson which is that, a boyfriend isn’t going to solve all my problems. Really tough news to reckon with but, a critical learning.
However, I cannot recommend travelling with a couple as a single gorgeous girl enough! I become the star. Or, perhaps I was born the star. Who knows. I do possess a certain star quality that makes this sub so riveting to read…🤔 Nevertheless, there is a power to being the only single girl in a room that is positively thrilling.
When I talk to people in Montreal about my dating life they often suggest finding a rich boyfriend in another city. I’m very open to that idea however, I have a hard time identifying wealth and an even harder time reckoning with the morality of that. So instead, I hope to find my lover among my exceptional circle of friends.
Even in New York!
Everybody wonders how I manage to stay awake until 7 am partying without doing drugs. Some have speculated that I’m a covert drug-user but, no! Wouldn’t you like to think so! Jess and Seth coined the source of my unfaltering stamina: I’m on a manhunt.
I will stay awake until the wee wee hours in hopes that my perfect match will presesnt himself. I’m not sure what senseless logic suggests to me my husband is attending these cooked after-parties. He most certainly is not. But, doesn’t that, in and of itself, beautifully articulate the current state of dating? That top chow like me can’t even find a boyfriend in daylight?????
NYC post-mortem
So even though I came back from NYC empty-handed, I gained some valuable insights:
Men in NY are very hot and still relatively high T
I’m selling myself short (no pun intended) in Montreal
It’s a known fact that dateable men don’t use dating apps. And honestly, dateable girls shouldn’t either. And actually, it’s questionable whether dateable people even exist at all. But for the sake of this stack we’ll pretend they do. And though NY is brimming with hunks, the selection on the apps is just as dismal as anywhere else. The people I met there were all through friends and parties and chit chatting. Which is why being a socialista is of utmost importance 💅 Being funny and fabulous and charming is an unparalleled skill. Ever seen The Age of Innocence?
One of the reflections I had upon returning home was whether I entertained more prospects because:
a) I was exuding a different energy than I do in Montreal
b) Men in NYC are more forward
c) I was the only single girl present
The likelihood is that it’s a combination of all three. Let’s dissect.
The Velma-Daphne dichotomy
In my opinion feminism, as it pertains to dating, is démodé. I recently watched Magic Mike as per BFF Seth’s suggestion, and the notion that men view women in 2 categories has continued to resurface.
There are girls you take to dinner (me and all my friends, Velmas) and girls you invite over to your place for a hoot (everyone else, Daphnes).
The problem seems to be, that men are not up to the task of dating a Velma. This is a HUGE problem for me as I continue to get more intelligent every minute I am left to my own devices. I simply cannot stop reading books and watching movies and listening to music and consuming information that seems to be making me less and less dateable as I inch closer to heaven and further away from the men in my orbit.
People keep telling me I am ‘intimidating’. Because I have a job and because I am so clever. I cannot tell if this is a fruitless attempt to make me feel better about the sad state of my love life. Or, whether this is actually true. I simply don’t see how a woman who is fabulous, supports her glamorous lifestyle, and has a critical mind can be considered unappealing. Sounds very appealing to me actually.
A great and wise friend of mine, Lacey, once told me during the worst breakup of my life where I truly thought I could not go on that some guys just want a basic girl. That changed my life forever. I suddenly understood that the idiot that pummeled my heart into the ground, was just that, an idiot. Or maybe not an idiot, because he understood that keeping up with me would be an arduous task. So, in hindsight, he did me a favour. But still, I’m left wondering: where ARE the men who are hot (we can’t forget that) and also want to date a girl with a brain? A Velma, like me.
I often ruminate on how my gorgeous friends found their perfect boyfriends and something I realized is that these are the type of Velmas cloaked in Daphne! They’re akin to the type of girls who grew up with brothers so they know how to act around boys. They understand the male psyche in a way that I, the ultimate girly girl girl’s girl, does not. They are the kind of girls that are playful and sexy but also smart and sweet.
Oozing that energy is actually very hard work (I commend you girls) and I’m not sure how they do it so I’m going to have to ask them and get back to you…✍️
In conclusion, I need to exude more Daphne and less Velma. And men need to learn that Velmas > Daphnes.
And with that, my Personal Ad. Help me get hitched.
Brunette female, 5’3, employed and fabulous, 28, seeks: male, preferably of portuguese or italian descent, 28-34 years old, between 5’8 and 5’11, employed, for marriage.
